change in the air

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

- Bob dylan

You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change things, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.

- Buckminster Fuller

i want to do it all, and do none of it
i want to make me crawl, and make a run of it
i'm so damn dualistic, my moon has sun in it
i'm fucking comprehensive, i omit none of it
i'm strictly arithmetic, i make the sum of it
i am all that there is, packed into a little body
i am pure energy contained in a simple soul
i am water flowing slowly through the rivers of my blood
i am contemplative meditative microscopic mud

i feel changes in the air, both on a personal level and on a global level. on a personal level, my dear gramp Ralph Evans died in late november. i respected my gramp for being a kind, loving, hardworking and committed man. i miss him very much. between 2000 and 2005 i had the chance to live near him and gram while i was at acadia university in wolfville, nova scotia. i saw them often and experienced their endearing daily habits and quirks.

my family's dog cisco died recently from stepping foot in the street. an old camp friend fee died a year ago in a car accident.

i've experienced intense loss this year and i see that, well, death is part of life. death sometimes comes expectedly, sometimes unexpectedly, and it's a loss either way. while i don't want to dwell on death and fear of death in my own life, it is what it is and "no one here gets out alive." i remind myself that i have a limited time in this lifetime and i want to go for it. it's challenging to lead a meaningful life - challenging to look at myself, to acknowledge and work through my fears, to try new things and do what i love at the risk of being vulnerable to criticism and failure.

this past month i moved from technical services into sales at conergy, solar power company. a big change of responsibility and focus. it feels good and exciting to be on the sizing and sales side of the solar cycle. i had a year's run there on the other side, listening to and supporting people's solar problems.